so what are friends? what's the right and wrong of friendship? how do you know for certain that they'll still be there in 5 years time?

the guardian states:

You choose your friends, not your family - and for many today, the former have become the most important people in their lives.

People come and go in our daily lives - whether it be that hot guy in the lift, weird man on the streets or that stranger who held the door for you. But what happens when it's someone you've known for ages, someone you cherish alot yet.. the both of you just can't stand the disputes anymore.
So you leave each other. You don't talk, wave, hang around each other; the years of memories and moments shared mean nothing now. They become complete strangers to you.

Yet, I don't know what kind of feeling this is. Is it pain? pain for what? pain for losing them? pain because you're lonely? pain because you regret it? What kind of pain is it!?! Or is it not pain? Maybe it's just pure regret? Guilt? but for what? Or curiosity? Why would you be curious in the first place? Or is it the feeling of curiosity on their reaction? Or am I happy? Happy because you've lost them? Happy because there'll be less fights?
....

but I know I'm not going to change myself for anyone.

be yourself,
because after constant alteration of your character,
in the end you realise not only did you lose the relationship,
you lose yourself too.

there's a reason why i've given up,
what's the point of possessing a friend
who is there physically but not with you emotionally?
what's the point of holding on to a friend's time
but not the friend's heart?

sometimes i think the more closer and more time spent on a friendship,
minus communication and nurturing
becomes a sour one. & over time,
things are taken for granted,
you are taken for granted.
people believe you will never change... lessening their value on your friendship.
you get taken more and more for granted..
then you call it quits.

you sit back and reflect,
and you realise..
friendship isn't about possessing
friendship isn't about taking up the person's time
friendship isn't not having the person talking to you and no one else
friendship is genuinely hoping that the person is happy.
that even when the person is not talking to you
but is happy with others
you're still happy for the person

friendship is not being sour at every single time the person spent their time with others and no you
friendship is being with your friend when they're down,
lending them a hand
friendship is believing your friend
even when everyone in this world does not.
when someone accuses your friend of something
you stand by your friend
clarifying with your friend, before jumping into conclusions
being sure of your friend's character
and trusting that your friend will not betray your trust...

about several of these i've broken.
i've gotten jealous of my friend spending more time with others then me - yes, i've been quite sour about it too. - always wishing they'd have a horrible time with the others... never actually being genuinely happy that she's well loved.
it only happens with her though. maybe it's cause she's the closest thing i have to a best friend..
i can let go of other people and not write bloody essays on it, i can be happy for my other friends when they spend time with others. but this R character is truly special. you can't find another one just like her.

though, we've lost track of our friendship. we've lost communication. we've let our negative traits get the best of us. so it happens so, that now we are judging each other.
i'm seeing the worst traits of her - the way she stands up for me.. isn't the way i'd like it to be, the way her playful nature may be interpreted as "flirting", where was that side of me that overlooked those things?

you know. i'm going to be brave and say sorry. sorry because i've done wrong.. and i'm not asking or "running back to you" for forgiveness. i really don't mind what you decide..

cause how you react to this will be the final test of our friendship.

and please stop the harsh (to me) messages.. like "fucking shit" "tired of you" it really makes me hate you alot more.. and it doesn't even solve the problem we have.
not saying you don't have the right to freedom of speech but if you really want to say those things at least mention me. use more of a direct approach.

so, fulfilling my advice (of using a direct approach) - this is to Rebecca Li.
i've tried explaining.. to the best, and i could of said that you were being slack etc. etc. and what you've done wrong to hurt me etc. etc. but really, im sick of blaming you, im sick of blaming me, sick of blaming really. im overlooking those things and we can end this more like friends then strangers.
because really, i really want you to be happy.