A man will pay two-dollars for a one-dollar item he needs, but a woman will pay one-dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about her future until she finds a husband, but a man never worries about the future until he takes a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, but a successful woman is one who can find such a man!!!


A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas." His wife say, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Carribean?" He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."



A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family."